March 1, 2019

March 1, 2019

Something’s gotta give. One of these days my entire life is going to fall apart and either my husband is going to leave me, or I’m going to lose my job. I feel like I’m always talking about how balancing it all is so hard, and I can’t help but wonder if it’s just me or if motherhood is like this for every working mom. 

I mean sure, my job is definitely more dangerous than most, but an argument could be made that women who work as police officers, firefighters, and even as engineers are at just as much risk for injury as I am every day. Do they have trouble balancing their lives? They probably don’t have to worry about keeping what they do for a living a secret. I mean, their husbands probably know that they work, first of all. 

I was on assignment in Washington a couple of days ago when I got hurt. My partner and I were chasing a suspect and I swear it was like something out of a movie. We followed this guy up the stairs all the way to the roof and he must have thought he was Spiderman or something because the suspect decided it would be a good idea to jump between rooftops to get away! 

Of course, my partner and I had no choice but to follow him. Thank goodness for spin class because we were, thankfully, able to keep up with this guy. However, in the process, I twisted my ankle pretty badly and I didn’t know what I was going to tell Greg. He didn’t even know I wasn’t home, after all. He did know that my college friend Stasia was in town though, so I told him I got injured in Spokane on a spontaneous girls trip to Arbor Crest Wine Cellars while the twins were in daycare. 

Even though he seemed to believe me, I know I’m lying to him and it kills me. The longer I keep this lie up, the more I want to tell him the truth. My supervisor told me from the start that I had to keep my identity as an agent a secret, but does that really have to apply to my husband? Are my girls going to think I’m just a mediocre stay at home mom who can’t get anything done despite being “home all day?”

I’m starting to feel like it may be best to come clean to Greg and tell him my secret . . . I don’t think he would leave me, and things would be so much easier when I have to leave. The only question that really matters is whether I would be putting him and our girls in danger if I come clean.

Aubrey Miller

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